I suppose it’s time for a more deep and meaningful journal update as we are coming to the close of 2009. Gosh, I seriously cannot believe how quick this year has gone, it feels like it was only yesterday that I graduated from my second year of college, was on my way back to QLD, my grandfather was still alive and I had a much better grasp on the perspective of my life. Today...I’m actually in a good mood *gasp* lol. I don’t know why though, it has been just a usual boring day as ever sleeping in until 9 o’clock and plodding around the house complaining that there is nothing to do. Note: It has been raining outside all day! Trust the bloody mountains to be cold and wet in summer lol.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and that Santa was good to everyone. I did pretty good for myself and our Christmas wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be, being our first Christmas without my grandfather, I can just imagine him know getting up us because we didn’t get him anything for Christmas lol. *sighs* It still wasn’t the same though, and I miss him heaps, the house feels so different without him in it.

But on other matter, the New Year is almost upon us and I am vowing to all the gods of this damned universe that I am going to make it a better year than this one! In saying that I hope everyone has a happy new year with lots of love and happiness. So it’s time for me to get a plan (resolution in order)

1. Get my damned P’s! Seriously I have a car now, 100 hours on my logbook, booked in for driving lessons, so all going to plan that will hopefully be covered by my 19th! *gasp* Omg! I am going to be 19 in link 2 and half months! I am getting old, lol.

2. Get another job! Ok I love my job now, but I think I’ve revolved my life around horses for far too long now. I’m not saying I’ve grown out of them (huh! Fat chance of that lol!) I just need a little detachment from them; they’re beginning to make me sour. I just need to separate my work from home, try something new and get some different experience whilst being more social. Seriously, staying in the same place for a long time without going out anywhere or seeing somebody else at all...is NOT good!

3. Save more money! I still have a healthy investment but I dinted it a bit more then I had planned this year, with getting a car and my new horse, which was an extremely steep jump off a cliff lol, but so worth it. So yes save up the money I spent to make up for it, only to spend it again lol. But for a good course, at the end of the year I’ll be updating my camera! *squeals* I’m already so excited! A nice new decked out Nikon I’m thinking, he he, and hand my canon down to Shell. With the rest of my money I’ll keep saving it, and saving it for when I eventually go overseas.

4. Get fit and healthy! *cough-sigh* yeah pretty sure I say that to myself every year lol. But seriously I AM going to this year, I have a lot of work with my mare in front of me and I need lots of energy to keep her in line lol, and I have big plans for her!

5. Be happy! I’ve come to the conclusion that the only reason I’m not happy most of the time is because I don’t let myself be, seriously think it’s time to wake up to myself.

6. Move on! Life is life, it was never meant to be easy, you win some you loos some and shit really does happen!

At the moment, I am trying to wrap up all the photos I have to submit, but it is a slow process. And next year will see a lot more of my Equine work as I travel around to the studs and shows of Victoria, may even be heading to the NSW Welsh nationals in Sydney, fingers crossed!

Also at the moment I have the longest list of movies I am dying to see! Will be catching Avatar next week with a couple of my girls and can’t wait to see it. Also dying to see Day breakers (with REAL vampires!) The Lovely Bones and Precious. But will probably have to wait for the others to some out on DVD.

And apart from that not much else is rocking the boat. But oh yeah, I have a new IPod Touch and I so love it he he!

Anyway, anyway lol, really wishing everyone the best for the New Year and many more to come!
xoxo
Cheers
TLV

And so christmas is on us once again, I swear it was only yesterday it was christmas and I was buying the very laptop I am using now, which I might just add is the best peice of money I have ever spent. One problem in a whole year is a pretty damn good run considering my luck with technology lol.

I am home again, back to the mountains, so I am already feeling a little refreshed! I now have my own car that runs beautifully, my mare now broken in who doesn't run so beautifully lol but we are getting there.

So at the moment I feel a little cruizy, which is nice for a change and hopefully it'll stay like that for a little while younger. I'll get back into my pictures soon, slowly but surely.

And last but not least I want to wish everyone a Very Merry Christmas filled with lots of love and happiness and a happy and festive new year!!!

xoxox
Cheers
TLV

Firstly, everyone should be marking this down as a milestone in history as nothing short of a miracle. I am updating my journal after only 2 days! *Gasp-Faint*

Secondly, I would sincerely like to thank everyone who has faved and commented on my recent work, it is greatly appreciated and I am glad it has been enjoyed.

But it must now shortly come to a close. Through recent activities, which actually date all the way back to 2004, I have decided that my life needs a major detox, revaluation and makeover.
I guess it is apparent that my mood at the moment is pretty low. It’s no secret the last few years have been a pretty big roller coast ride, full of emotional trauma, burning bridges, disappointments, deaths and all the other not nice words that go hand in hand with those. But I won’t forget the good things that I picked up along the way, the life and work experience, precious lessons learned, my mare who is my dearest treasure (though no horse alive will ever compare to Easha) and of course my friends and family.

For which I have a select few people I would personally like to thank. Through every single little hiccough no matter how little or big they have been there for me, and even through fights and irrelevant teenage drama they have forever put up with whatever I’ve thrown at them, and I know myself I’ve thrown some pretty big blows. And the people who have forgiven me for the way I have been and waited and stood by until the end I now know are my true friends. Now I look back at all the arguments and silly fights and laugh at how silly it was, and smile at how easily in the end it was to forgive and move on and come out stronger for it in the end, because that’s what friends are and do. I know there will always be tough times and close calls, but I also know those times will pass and I have a wonderful group of people around me.

Even the people in my past don’t deserve to go without credit. Of course my father and grandfather will be at the foremost, but even the people, or friends that are now gone have all been in my life for one reason or another and taught me lessons that will make me a better person, and I hope too that my impact on some lives has some positivity. Without them and the events ventured with them I would not know just how important and vital my family members are and how you will truly never know how much you love or care for someone until they are gone. I would not know how to walk beside a friend and keep them close instead of dragging them behind me and leaving them in the messy dust I created. I wouldn’t have the calm confidence I have now, the forgiveness or the passion. I know I haven’t quite got all these new skills down pat but I am getting there.

You know who your real true friends are when you disappear off the face of the earth for even months at a time and then talk or see one another again as though it had only been a day.

So first to my Shell, ~ RainaAstaldo ([link] seriously check out her work, very talented photographer and drawer) Now we’ve had a few blues and a half, some crazy ideas, some fabulous RP sessions and memories to last a lifetime. I remember the times I thought we’d never talk again...funny that, now we can’t shut up lol! Love you babe!

To my Katy Baby, ~lil-richo ([link] amazing manipulation works!) We haven’t always got along or seen eye to eye but I can always count on you making me smile,. And you have given me memories to laugh at that I will never forget. “I’m scared I am gunna get scared” lol makes my chuckle even now.
To my Aunty Pen- Pen lol, ([link] Aspiring photographer) Of course my Tocalian Aunty who keeps me in line lol. Good times, very good times and many more to come!

And to the tacho lol, Nic, ~TacoBelle-Ghost, ([link] excellent drawer, don’t forget you still owe me my emblem lol) Our week of beef should go down in Tocal history lol! Kicking down my door, all the rides I bludged in Eros and the wild nights...what can I say, lol!

Anyway others to mention that aren’t on DA of course are Rach, Fatty, my boss, all of my family and my animals somehow make life sense.

And so at the moment, I have decided to leave the world of DA and the internet for a while. Short or a long while I do not know yet, it depends on some doctor’s appointment in the following week and how well I can pull my head in and get myself into line. I am dramatising slightly, I am not dying or anything, but I’m not well. And with being not well I am not happy enough to think straight and be appropriate, reasonable and put my brain before my mouth.

It’s not just my bodily health either, the last 4 years are suddenly creeping up on me and I think I need as less a distraction as possible and hit it head on instead of hiding from it as I have been. I have no doubt that I will fall apart, I can feel the screws in place that are holding my together loosen already, but I need to breakdown. I need to fall apart and really hate the world instead of just being shitty with it and deal with it properly.

I know it sounds so dramatic; it really isn’t as bad as I make it out but I know I am doing the right thing. I just need some time away to myself. And either way I’ll be back eventually, I’m just going to have a well earned rest from everything and get my shit together.

So for now, farewell and I will catch the world of DA later.
Cheers
xoxo

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Stand Still, Look Pretty

I want to paint my face
And pretend that I am someone else
Sometimes I get so fed up
I don't even want to look at myself

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I hate the way you look at me I have to say
I wish I could start over

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

Sometimes I find myself shaking
In the middle of the night
And then it hits me and I can't
Even believe this is my life

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I wish that everyone would go and shut their mouths
I'm not strong enough to deal with it

Ok, so firstly, some exciting news!

As you’ve probably all seen, I have had a recent influx on horse pictures and mainly at the moment it has been with the superb Welsh Cob Stallion Arawa Commando. Through my work and buying my girl (Lou-Lou) from my boss, I was introduced to the owner of Fleur De Lys Welsh Cob and pony stud, being the owner of Commando and Lou-Lou’s breeder, and was commissioned to do a few photo shoots of her horses. We soon came to be friends and every time a mare would foal I would be rushed out almost immediately to photograph the foals (which I shall be uploading eventually). It soon came to the day when the stallion was to be introduced to a new mare, and on season! My god was I excited!!! To most it might seem quite boring, but for those who know what a stallion is like with a mare, a new one at that and that is in season and this is the first opportunity you’ve gotten at capturing it, will understand my excitement.

And the results are the new photographs in the gallery, which I am just a bit proud of lol. Anyway enough bragging! So the owner then posted some of the pictures I took on a public equine forum, with full credits to me, and within the first 2 days already had hits on also wanting me to do work for them!

So the whole main point of this comes down to, what to do now? So really need some help and advice from anyone who knows, or does pro photography for paid work?
Just need some idea on what I should charge people for doing shoots, on an hourly basis, starting off on a base rate, and with travel costs? Any help would be appreciated?

So now to update on my thrilling, exciting and wonderfully happy life! (Hope you all recognised that as sarcasm lol)

Not a great deal has changed since my last journal entry. I’m still missing my pop terribly and his loss gets a little overwhelming sometimes but I’m managing. My girl has recently just gone down to Melbourne to undergo her breaking and light education which I am thrilled about! So she should return in another 2 and a half weeks and I can have my first ride, yay!
And well apart from that all is the same, a few minor health issues (my sanity being one, lol) and a touch of homesickness, but should be heading home to the mountains within the next few weeks for a break so will feel allot better then.

Anyway, that is really, so any help would be great, please?
Cheers

So the time has come and gone, the passing of one of the most beautiful and corageous men I have ever met, my grandfather, Larry Dale Star.

Pop was born on the 21st of January, 1948 and passed away yesterday, the 3rd of September at approximately 8:45 in the morning.
The morning before he had slipped into a morphein endused coma, so it gives my family and I some comfort to know he went without pain, and to know that he now rests in a better place and is no longer suffering.

The night previous I had left and endured a 11 and a half hour train trip home to make it back in time to say my last goodbye, but I was 3 hours too late. I know he wouldnt want me to be upset and feel guilty because of it, but I am, I was counting on getting back in time to say my last goodbye and kiss him cheek just one more time.

My pop was a man of few words, he got in and said what he had to say, got to the point straight away and that was that. Though he didn't often say much, his words never went without some sort of meeningful purpose and I always knew he loved me and would always take of me, having rared me for most of my childhood, along with my grandmother, who remains the rock of my family.

We are all greiving, though in some ways, we are all releived. I am not ok, but I will be fine, I will get through this, in my own time. The house feels so empty without him now, even when filled with the family, and it seems so quiet even with little Ebony and Preston running around screaming. I think I'll be taking a leaf out of little Ebony's book, taking in mind she is only 4, she told me when I returned home yesterday to not be sad because Poppy wouldn't want us to be said when he is in heaven now.

I will miss him forever and love him always.
Farewell my grand old pop and may you rest in peice forever more.