Firstly, everyone should be marking this down as a milestone in history as nothing short of a miracle. I am updating my journal after only 2 days! *Gasp-Faint*

Secondly, I would sincerely like to thank everyone who has faved and commented on my recent work, it is greatly appreciated and I am glad it has been enjoyed.

But it must now shortly come to a close. Through recent activities, which actually date all the way back to 2004, I have decided that my life needs a major detox, revaluation and makeover.
I guess it is apparent that my mood at the moment is pretty low. It’s no secret the last few years have been a pretty big roller coast ride, full of emotional trauma, burning bridges, disappointments, deaths and all the other not nice words that go hand in hand with those. But I won’t forget the good things that I picked up along the way, the life and work experience, precious lessons learned, my mare who is my dearest treasure (though no horse alive will ever compare to Easha) and of course my friends and family.

For which I have a select few people I would personally like to thank. Through every single little hiccough no matter how little or big they have been there for me, and even through fights and irrelevant teenage drama they have forever put up with whatever I’ve thrown at them, and I know myself I’ve thrown some pretty big blows. And the people who have forgiven me for the way I have been and waited and stood by until the end I now know are my true friends. Now I look back at all the arguments and silly fights and laugh at how silly it was, and smile at how easily in the end it was to forgive and move on and come out stronger for it in the end, because that’s what friends are and do. I know there will always be tough times and close calls, but I also know those times will pass and I have a wonderful group of people around me.

Even the people in my past don’t deserve to go without credit. Of course my father and grandfather will be at the foremost, but even the people, or friends that are now gone have all been in my life for one reason or another and taught me lessons that will make me a better person, and I hope too that my impact on some lives has some positivity. Without them and the events ventured with them I would not know just how important and vital my family members are and how you will truly never know how much you love or care for someone until they are gone. I would not know how to walk beside a friend and keep them close instead of dragging them behind me and leaving them in the messy dust I created. I wouldn’t have the calm confidence I have now, the forgiveness or the passion. I know I haven’t quite got all these new skills down pat but I am getting there.

You know who your real true friends are when you disappear off the face of the earth for even months at a time and then talk or see one another again as though it had only been a day.

So first to my Shell, ~ RainaAstaldo ([link] seriously check out her work, very talented photographer and drawer) Now we’ve had a few blues and a half, some crazy ideas, some fabulous RP sessions and memories to last a lifetime. I remember the times I thought we’d never talk again...funny that, now we can’t shut up lol! Love you babe!

To my Katy Baby, ~lil-richo ([link] amazing manipulation works!) We haven’t always got along or seen eye to eye but I can always count on you making me smile,. And you have given me memories to laugh at that I will never forget. “I’m scared I am gunna get scared” lol makes my chuckle even now.
To my Aunty Pen- Pen lol, ([link] Aspiring photographer) Of course my Tocalian Aunty who keeps me in line lol. Good times, very good times and many more to come!

And to the tacho lol, Nic, ~TacoBelle-Ghost, ([link] excellent drawer, don’t forget you still owe me my emblem lol) Our week of beef should go down in Tocal history lol! Kicking down my door, all the rides I bludged in Eros and the wild nights...what can I say, lol!

Anyway others to mention that aren’t on DA of course are Rach, Fatty, my boss, all of my family and my animals somehow make life sense.

And so at the moment, I have decided to leave the world of DA and the internet for a while. Short or a long while I do not know yet, it depends on some doctor’s appointment in the following week and how well I can pull my head in and get myself into line. I am dramatising slightly, I am not dying or anything, but I’m not well. And with being not well I am not happy enough to think straight and be appropriate, reasonable and put my brain before my mouth.

It’s not just my bodily health either, the last 4 years are suddenly creeping up on me and I think I need as less a distraction as possible and hit it head on instead of hiding from it as I have been. I have no doubt that I will fall apart, I can feel the screws in place that are holding my together loosen already, but I need to breakdown. I need to fall apart and really hate the world instead of just being shitty with it and deal with it properly.

I know it sounds so dramatic; it really isn’t as bad as I make it out but I know I am doing the right thing. I just need some time away to myself. And either way I’ll be back eventually, I’m just going to have a well earned rest from everything and get my shit together.

So for now, farewell and I will catch the world of DA later.
Cheers
xoxo

________________________________________ ________________________________________ ________________________
Stand Still, Look Pretty

I want to paint my face
And pretend that I am someone else
Sometimes I get so fed up
I don't even want to look at myself

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I hate the way you look at me I have to say
I wish I could start over

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

Sometimes I find myself shaking
In the middle of the night
And then it hits me and I can't
Even believe this is my life

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I wish that everyone would go and shut their mouths
I'm not strong enough to deal with it